Keep your finances—and your relationship—happy with these quick and simple guidelines from iVillage personal finance expert Carmen Wong Ulrich
When it comes to how to handle money as a couple, advice runs the gamut from one extreme to the other. Talk to lawyers (especially divorce lawyers) and they’ll probably tell you to keep all of your money separate. Talk to your local priest or minister and he or she may say you must share everything with your spouse.
There are some edicts, however, that always ring true. The rules below will help you not only have a better financial life together, but may actually help you do more lovin’ together.
It’s not so much how you divvy your money up, but that you both agree on a method and stay informed.
Some women marry later in life and, as they’ve been paying their own way and saving and investing for 15-plus years, are happy to keep their finances completely separate. Some other perfectly happy gals walked the aisle in their 20s and immediately blended their finances with their husbands. And then there’s me. My husband and I put money into a joint household account to take care of household bills and goals, but also keep our own personal accounts—the same when it comes to credit.
Here’s what matters: does it work for you both? If it does, you’re probably OK. But, if you don’t like your financial arrangement with your spouse or partner, have that discussion and change it up.
However, if you’re OK with things because you prefer not to know a thing, it’s time for your wake-up call. I had a male guest on my show once, a certified financial planner, who told me that his wife knows nothing about their finances—nothing! My response, “WHAT?! How could you?!” (I liked the guy, but he went down several notches in my book after this revelation.) He said that she was fine with it. She didn’t want to know. This is the only arrangement that should set off alarm bells. Even if you’re a stay-at-home mom, you must know at least the basics of where the money is, how much there is, and where it’s going.
Why? Because you cannot afford to not stay informed, no matter your financial arrangement. We live longer, are more likely to have to care for children and aging parents and we’re more likely to have less money in retirement. The odds are stacked against us. Find an arrangement that makes you both secure and informed, and you’ll be happier.
Someone has to be in charge
Every household needs a Chief Financial Officer. And no, it shouldn’t automatically be the guy. Which one of you is better with money? Which of you always pays bills on time and has a great credit score? Managing the money can feel like a chore if you’re always saddled with doing all the work, but there needs to be someone who takes the initiative to keep track of everything—not just bill-paying, but your goals as a couple too.
Quelle surprise, I’m the head of the money-household at home—I make sure bills are paid, savings are made and I monitor our investments as well. And the majority of you say that you do the same. Pew Research found that women tend to rule the roost when it comes to making financial decisions. In almost half of all households women say that they are in charge of money matters while only 23% say their husbands are and 29% say it’s a joint operation.
But, that doesn’t mean that what I say goes, no matter what. Family CFO’s are not tyrants. As household CFO your job is to keep the team informed as well as to be open to changes and disagreements along the way. I make sure to communicate almost daily with my husband about financial obligations as well as upcoming big bills or purchases, and most fun of all, how we can reach goals together.
Stay informed. Feel secure. Two things that are sure to net you fewer scuffles and more snuggles!
Got a question for iVillage personal finance expert Carmen Wong Ulrich? Send it to her at homeand.garden@nbcuni.com
Read More http://www.ivillage.com/must-follow-money-rules-couples/7-a-323928#ixzz1G6mdo7GD
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Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Friday, February 04, 2011
Story of Appreciation
One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company.
He passed the first interview; the director did the last interview, made the last decision.
The director discovered from the CV, that the youth's academic result was excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never was there a year he did not score.
The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarship in school?" and the youth answered "no".
The director asked, "Did your father pay your school fees?" The youth answered, "my father passed away when I was one year old and it was my mother who paid my school fees".
The director asked, "Where did your mother work?" the youth answered, "my mother worked as cloth cleaner." The director requested the youth to show his hands and the youth showed a pair of hands that was smooth and perfect to the director.
The director asked, "Did you ever help your mother wash clothes before?" The youth answered," never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books, furthermore, my mother could wash clothes faster than I could"
The director said, I have a request, when you go back today, go and help to clean your mother's hand, and then see me tomorrow morning .
The youth felt that the chance of landing the job was high and when he went back, he happily wanted to clean his mother's hands. His mother felt strange. With happiness mixed with fear, she showed her hands to the kid.
The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly and his tears fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and that there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that she shuddered when his mother’s hands were cleaned with water .
This is the first time that the youth realized and experienced that it is this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to earn him the school fees and that the bruises in the mother's hand were the price that the mother paid for his graduation and academic excellence and probably his future.
After finishing the cleaning of his mother's hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.
That night, the mother and son talked for a very long time.
Next morning , the youth went to the director's office
The director noticed the tear in the youth's eye and asked: "Can you tell what you did and learnt yesterday in your house?"
The youth answered, " I cleaned my mother's hands and also finished washing all the remaining clothes'
The director asked , " please tell me what you felt "
The youth said, "Number 1, I know what appreciation is now'. Without my mother, I would not be successful today. Number 2, Now I know how to work together with my mother. Only now do I realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done. Number 3, I know the importance and value of family relationship.
The director said, "This is what I am asking, I want to recruit a person that can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the suffering of others to get things done, and a person that would not put money as his only goal in life to be my manager. You are hired.
Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates, every employee worked diligently and as a team and the company improved tremendously.
A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he needs, develops "entitlement mentality" and always puts himself first. He is ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the suffering of his employees and always blame others. These kinds of people, can achieve good results and may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel a sense of achievement or satisfaction. If we happen to be this kind of (protective) parent, this is the time to ask the question- whether we did/do love our kids or destroy them.
You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn to play the piano, watch a big screen TV but when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plate and bowl together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love and show them the correct way. You want them to understand that no matter how rich their parents are, one day they will grow old, become weak and that their hair too will grow gray,. The most important thing is for your kid to learn how to appreciate experience and learn the effort and ability needed to work with others to get things done. They should also value, appreciate what the parents have done and love them for who they are!
He passed the first interview; the director did the last interview, made the last decision.
The director discovered from the CV, that the youth's academic result was excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never was there a year he did not score.
The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarship in school?" and the youth answered "no".
The director asked, "Did your father pay your school fees?" The youth answered, "my father passed away when I was one year old and it was my mother who paid my school fees".
The director asked, "Where did your mother work?" the youth answered, "my mother worked as cloth cleaner." The director requested the youth to show his hands and the youth showed a pair of hands that was smooth and perfect to the director.
The director asked, "Did you ever help your mother wash clothes before?" The youth answered," never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books, furthermore, my mother could wash clothes faster than I could"
The director said, I have a request, when you go back today, go and help to clean your mother's hand, and then see me tomorrow morning .
The youth felt that the chance of landing the job was high and when he went back, he happily wanted to clean his mother's hands. His mother felt strange. With happiness mixed with fear, she showed her hands to the kid.
The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly and his tears fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and that there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that she shuddered when his mother’s hands were cleaned with water .
This is the first time that the youth realized and experienced that it is this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to earn him the school fees and that the bruises in the mother's hand were the price that the mother paid for his graduation and academic excellence and probably his future.
After finishing the cleaning of his mother's hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.
That night, the mother and son talked for a very long time.
Next morning , the youth went to the director's office
The director noticed the tear in the youth's eye and asked: "Can you tell what you did and learnt yesterday in your house?"
The youth answered, " I cleaned my mother's hands and also finished washing all the remaining clothes'
The director asked , " please tell me what you felt "
The youth said, "Number 1, I know what appreciation is now'. Without my mother, I would not be successful today. Number 2, Now I know how to work together with my mother. Only now do I realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done. Number 3, I know the importance and value of family relationship.
The director said, "This is what I am asking, I want to recruit a person that can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the suffering of others to get things done, and a person that would not put money as his only goal in life to be my manager. You are hired.
Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates, every employee worked diligently and as a team and the company improved tremendously.
A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he needs, develops "entitlement mentality" and always puts himself first. He is ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the suffering of his employees and always blame others. These kinds of people, can achieve good results and may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel a sense of achievement or satisfaction. If we happen to be this kind of (protective) parent, this is the time to ask the question- whether we did/do love our kids or destroy them.
You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn to play the piano, watch a big screen TV but when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plate and bowl together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love and show them the correct way. You want them to understand that no matter how rich their parents are, one day they will grow old, become weak and that their hair too will grow gray,. The most important thing is for your kid to learn how to appreciate experience and learn the effort and ability needed to work with others to get things done. They should also value, appreciate what the parents have done and love them for who they are!
Monday, January 24, 2011
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